death......

Death has been one of the most dreaded topics of all time. The funny thing is that at the end of the day we all know we have to bid farewell to this world at some point.

Death is one thing we have all failed to prepare for; forget having to buy yourself a coffin, pick your burial grounds and clothes and maybe pay insurance to deal with all those arrangements - that can be easily done.

I mean coping emotionally with losing someone

I have lost my mother, father, and sister and the first time it’s confusing heartbreaking and you are left feeling very hollow. I am not going to console you that it gets better or when another person dies it gets easier because it doesn’t. You see, I learnt that every death is unique because the people who die played a role in your life.

Whether you were very close to the person or distant, death affects you one way or another because everyone alive makes a contribution in your life one way or another.

Take for example the village thief who reined terror in your village. His role was to instill fear and he probably taught you that it’s a bad idea to keep money in the house. His role in your life is to teach you to tighten security. When he dies, you still hold onto your security lessons. You might not be pained about it but you feel something; it could be relief or pity for his parents’ loss.

Let’s move to the not-so-caring parent; the one who was seemingly not there the whole of your life or the one who played a passive role. The point is they are your parent - maybe not the best but still your parent.

From what I have seen a passive parent either inspires a child to work to prove a point or sinks the child. 

So whether you are the sunken child or inspired child the death of that parent affects you,after all without their biological contribution  you would be non-existent.

The death that is excruciating is of a person that is dear to you and close to the heart. I remember when my dad died 15years ago.... it was painful heart wrenching , gut ripping ,I thought I was going to lose my mind. I remember I was in a daze for  about a year after his death. I quit going to church,I didn't see the need to pray to God who didn't see the need to keep my dad alive. 

I was a princess you see, I had mapped out my life , I was going to be the best student in school get fantastic grades, and work as a lecturer like  my dad. In all my plans he was going to see me through all the stages of life but death came in an pulled a first one on me.

 It took me time to learn to live with it. to  accept that however much I cried it wasn't going to bring him back, hating God was not making me feel any better and my constant state of disorientation was not the best thing for me........

So I learnt how to breathe and say daddy without crying, I inspired myself to work really hard believing that no matter where he was he was proud of me. 

Later in life I began to see things differently. I became a community child , a loved one at that I lost a mother a gained 8 caring mothers and a bunch of loving cousins that soon became my siblings.

I still miss my mum, dad and sister no doubt  but I've over the years learnt to let go.

I changed my perspective I started focusing on the amazing lessons they taught, focused on the lovely times we shared and I discovered that I was cherished by a lot of people who I might not have been able to see if my parents remained alive.

So when death occurs  cry , mourn and don't focus on what you are not going to be able to do because the one you cherish is gone.

Give focus to what can you do now that they are gone like  how you can keep their legacy alive.